Post by Rosario Reyna Guzmán on Sept 9, 2007 16:09:42 GMT -5
The late afternoon sun peeked through the trees, patterns of light falling on the ground. Rio’s flip-flops flapped softly as she treaded through the park, keeping to the windy path. She tried to stick to the shady spots as she kept an eye on Perro, who trotted on ahead of her, his tail happily swishing through the air. He was a sweet if enegergetic puppy who had seemed to adapt to the change of scenery easier than any of the human members of the Reyna household. Rio held his leash loosely, almost absentmindedly, in her right hand. She had slipped out an hour ago, dying to get away from the chaos that follows any move. She had done her share of moving boxes and unpacking boxes and repacking boxes, and had helped her mother spend twenty minutes hunting for the ice cream scoop; why her mother Jacqui had needed to find it was beyond Rio, but no one was up to arguing with Jacqueline at the moment. Conflict wasn’t high on anyone’s list. Everyone was tired, even Rio’s inexaustible father, and everyone just wanted to chill out. So Rio had left to walk Perro.
She thought about school, and how tomorrow would be her first day. At least she wouldn’t be coming in very late to the school year. She still hated feeling like the new girl; she always felt like she was one step behind everyone else. This was a small town, too, so surely everyone already knew everyone else, if they had all grown up here. She missed that feeling, even after a year— over a year, in fact— she still desperately missed Salcedo and her cousins and everything about her hometown that she had taken for granted. Maybe she could visit them during winter break. Maybe. Everything was sort of up in the air.
She hated hearing her parents trying to argue quietly at night. Her father Pacho was working in Denver; they had moved to Holyoke for the affordable housing. But Pacho’s commute would be long, and his work hours would be long, and Jacqui didn’t like that. She wanted him to be home, to spend time with the kids. He argued that he was trying to provide them with a good life. He was a family man at heart; everything he did, he did it for his family, including working long hours to make decent money. He wanted to be home more often but his job just didn’t allow it. Still, he and Jacqui argued. She was struggling to line a job up for herself, and she felt like she was failing her family. It was akward for the family, with everyone trying to pretend that they didn’t know what was going on, trying to pretend that everything was fine. Rio had heard her mother, on more than one occasion, mutter about how they never should have moved from Salcedo.While Rosario missed her hometown and her native country, she was glad to leave some things behind her. Here, she was anonymous, just another girl. No one knew her, or knew of her family. It was nice to just be herself— there would be no whispers wherever she walked; no one here knew the stigma she still attached to herself, after all the years.
It seemed to her, sometimes, as if her fifteen-year-old self were lifetimes away. Sometimes, though, what she had gone through loomed close, like waking up and realizing all the things you did the night before. It made her sick, sometimes, when she would slowly wake in the morning, and the memory of what she had lost would sit heavy on her chest, sinking through her body like lead. Her parents had never forgiven her, she knew, and they would never forget. She still recalled the screaming, the way her father’s words had sounded slicing through the air, loud and so, so angry.
She reminded herself that she was past it, she was beyond it. She wasn’t a frightened little girl anymore, she was a grown woman… sort of. She was eighteen, at least. And, slowly, she was letting go. Maybe her parents couldn’t do that but she was trying. She was trying. And shouldn’t they be trying with her? She knew she had placed a burden on them, she had shamed them and her family, and it hurt her that she had hurt them. But no one ever spoke of what had happened, as if when Rio miscarried, any memory of what had happened died with it. Rio understood that everyone wanted to try to forget, to pretend to forget, but what had happened was real. She had been stupid and slept with a guy she barely knew and got pregnant when she was fifteen. It was REAL. It happened, no matter how hard anyone tried to put it out of their mind. Her cousin Galeno was dead for stupid reasons. That, too, was REAL, though Rio badly wished it weren’t. The thoughts dragged her down, and she didn’t like that, so she tried to think of something else. But her new home seemed dull and she didn’t know anyone yet or have anything to do, and so she had nothing else to do but walk and get lost in her thoughts of things that had happened and things she couldn’t ever change.
She stuck the handle loop of Perro’s leash between her knees and held it there as she tightened her hair tie; her dark hair, curly and barely brushed, was pulled back in a ponytail. She knew she didn’t look too great. Hair pulled up, scrubby plain clothes, no makeup. Her light blue jeans had rips and were worn at the heels and her red flip flops were faded and worn out, too. She wore a plain white tank top, and was kind of wishing she had grabbed a shrug or an overshirt or something, whenever a breeze came through she shivered, chilly. She yelped a little as Perro darted forward and the leash fell, straying behind the dog as he ran. “Shit, shit, shit,” Rio mumbled, trying to run… in flip flops… which wasn’t working too well, and she was annoyed by the slapping sound they made with her every step. She finally caught up enough with her pet to hastily step on his leash, which she picked up promptly and held on too tightly. She glanced up to see what might have caught Perro’s attention, probably a squirrel or a candy wrapper, knowing him.
(not my best. im rusty but you know that.)
She thought about school, and how tomorrow would be her first day. At least she wouldn’t be coming in very late to the school year. She still hated feeling like the new girl; she always felt like she was one step behind everyone else. This was a small town, too, so surely everyone already knew everyone else, if they had all grown up here. She missed that feeling, even after a year— over a year, in fact— she still desperately missed Salcedo and her cousins and everything about her hometown that she had taken for granted. Maybe she could visit them during winter break. Maybe. Everything was sort of up in the air.
She hated hearing her parents trying to argue quietly at night. Her father Pacho was working in Denver; they had moved to Holyoke for the affordable housing. But Pacho’s commute would be long, and his work hours would be long, and Jacqui didn’t like that. She wanted him to be home, to spend time with the kids. He argued that he was trying to provide them with a good life. He was a family man at heart; everything he did, he did it for his family, including working long hours to make decent money. He wanted to be home more often but his job just didn’t allow it. Still, he and Jacqui argued. She was struggling to line a job up for herself, and she felt like she was failing her family. It was akward for the family, with everyone trying to pretend that they didn’t know what was going on, trying to pretend that everything was fine. Rio had heard her mother, on more than one occasion, mutter about how they never should have moved from Salcedo.While Rosario missed her hometown and her native country, she was glad to leave some things behind her. Here, she was anonymous, just another girl. No one knew her, or knew of her family. It was nice to just be herself— there would be no whispers wherever she walked; no one here knew the stigma she still attached to herself, after all the years.
It seemed to her, sometimes, as if her fifteen-year-old self were lifetimes away. Sometimes, though, what she had gone through loomed close, like waking up and realizing all the things you did the night before. It made her sick, sometimes, when she would slowly wake in the morning, and the memory of what she had lost would sit heavy on her chest, sinking through her body like lead. Her parents had never forgiven her, she knew, and they would never forget. She still recalled the screaming, the way her father’s words had sounded slicing through the air, loud and so, so angry.
She reminded herself that she was past it, she was beyond it. She wasn’t a frightened little girl anymore, she was a grown woman… sort of. She was eighteen, at least. And, slowly, she was letting go. Maybe her parents couldn’t do that but she was trying. She was trying. And shouldn’t they be trying with her? She knew she had placed a burden on them, she had shamed them and her family, and it hurt her that she had hurt them. But no one ever spoke of what had happened, as if when Rio miscarried, any memory of what had happened died with it. Rio understood that everyone wanted to try to forget, to pretend to forget, but what had happened was real. She had been stupid and slept with a guy she barely knew and got pregnant when she was fifteen. It was REAL. It happened, no matter how hard anyone tried to put it out of their mind. Her cousin Galeno was dead for stupid reasons. That, too, was REAL, though Rio badly wished it weren’t. The thoughts dragged her down, and she didn’t like that, so she tried to think of something else. But her new home seemed dull and she didn’t know anyone yet or have anything to do, and so she had nothing else to do but walk and get lost in her thoughts of things that had happened and things she couldn’t ever change.
She stuck the handle loop of Perro’s leash between her knees and held it there as she tightened her hair tie; her dark hair, curly and barely brushed, was pulled back in a ponytail. She knew she didn’t look too great. Hair pulled up, scrubby plain clothes, no makeup. Her light blue jeans had rips and were worn at the heels and her red flip flops were faded and worn out, too. She wore a plain white tank top, and was kind of wishing she had grabbed a shrug or an overshirt or something, whenever a breeze came through she shivered, chilly. She yelped a little as Perro darted forward and the leash fell, straying behind the dog as he ran. “Shit, shit, shit,” Rio mumbled, trying to run… in flip flops… which wasn’t working too well, and she was annoyed by the slapping sound they made with her every step. She finally caught up enough with her pet to hastily step on his leash, which she picked up promptly and held on too tightly. She glanced up to see what might have caught Perro’s attention, probably a squirrel or a candy wrapper, knowing him.
(not my best. im rusty but you know that.)
